Solving relationship problems with conscious tools
Amitayus: The teachings that are shared in the Tantric community is that polyamory is all about non-attachment. I can see some of the truth in that, but there are also many teachers that teach how being dedicated to one person is also a beautiful spiritual path. This is also what we also teach in our workshop ‘Path of Partnership’.
Elica: I hear so many people who complain, “Oh, I wish I could get a partner who also wanted to grow and evolve, who would stick out the hard stuff and work through their true fears.” People really want that and they’re always struggling to find a partner who will ride out the tough waves together, peeling back the projections that they have on to each other and handling the challenges that come up.
There’s so much conditioning from our families, society and culture about how things are supposed to be and I can understand why relationships didn’t work out with the last generation. People got disillusioned, got divorced then went to marriages two and three. They didn’t have the tools to help them work though challenges.
I really feel we’re very lucky to have each other because our relationship has been graced by the fact that we’re on similar levels of evolution. We’re both seeking the same type of growth through our relationship.
In the last decade or two, conscious relationships have come such a long way and there are so many tools that can be worked with now that I believe we are at the beginning of a new era in terms of relationships.
While it’s important to view a relationship as a vehicle of consciousness, maintaining polarity is equally important. We actively work on keeping the polarity alive to maintain the Tantric elements in our relationship like taking space away from each other and sleeping in different spaces some nights.
Amitayus: There are going to be hard times, times that you are triggered. But when we have fights or when we get triggered, our focus is on understanding why it happened and where that trigger came from.
Elica: I think it’s really important to find someone who’s in a similar level of having ‘done the work’ because as you grow in your levels of consciousness, you have different realizations.
You might be at the level of realizing that every single trigger you have with your partner, as much as it may seem like it’s their fault, actually has nothing to do with them and is something that you have to deal with yourself. But if your partner doesn’t have that deeply embedded realization, you’re going to be a banging your head against the wall.
We have a similar level of relationship awareness so that when challenges rise up, we can let it unfold knowing that the work will get done and everything will be dealt with.
From the moment we decided we were getting married, we knew that we were signing up for that and our wedding ritual reflected that intention. We just have a very, very strong commitment to inner work, separately and together. That’s what makes the difference, it’s really does.
Amitayus: We have worked through three or four of these loops where something that I do triggers her, and then she reacts in a way that triggers me. When you’re in this loop, it would be too easy to say, “This is too hard, let’s just break up.”
