a shelf because I was too sad.
I left him there because the day I put him in the ground was the day it had happened.
As long as that container is in a cupboard, there is a sense in which the thing is not finished and therefore has not entirely occurred — and I know how that sounds written down, and I knew how it sounded at the time, and I did it anyway for eleven months.
And then I told people it was done.
That is the part I have had to go at properly. Not the cupboard — the lying.
Four people. My sister. Pete’s brother. The woman at the surgery. A neighbour.
I described a scattering at Cathan Point that never happened, twice, with details, including the weather.
I have since told all four of them the truth. The hardest was my sister, in the January, and she
