“For what?”
“For her.”
My eyes filled.
“James…”
“I know.”
His own voice was breaking now.
“I know this is enormous. I know we didn’t wake up today planning to raise another child. And I know who her mother was makes this complicated.”
He took a breath.
“I told the social worker I’m married. I told her I wouldn’t make promises without speaking to you. I told her this has to be something we decide together.”
I looked through the glass again.
The bassinet had been moved closer.
For the first time, I could see the baby’s face.
Dark hair.
Closed eyes.
A tiny mouth.
Nothing about her knew how much had happened that day.
Nothing about her knew that her mother was gone.
Or that her father had already stepped away.
Or that two strangers were standing in a corridor wondering whether they might become her family.
James spoke again.
“I want to apply for placement. Foster care first, guardianship—whatever the legal process is. And if adoption becomes possible…”
He couldn’t finish.
“If you tell me no, I’ll understand.”
I turned toward him.
He looked terrified of my answer.
Then I realized why.
“You think I’m jealous.”
James looked away.
“You thought I’d hear Anna’s name and think this was about you still loving her.”
“I didn’t know what you’d think.”
I laughed once through my tears.
His forehead creased.
“What?”
“I thought she was your baby.”
James stared at me.
“That’s worse.”
A completely inappropriate laugh escaped me.
Then another.
And suddenly I was crying so hard I had to cover my face.
James wrapped his arms around me.
For several seconds, we stood there laughing and crying in the middle of a maternity hallway while everything we thought our family would ever be shifted beneath our feet.
Then I remembered Anna.
And my laughter stopped.
“She said your name because of the baby, didn’t she?”
James’s eyes filled again.
“I think so.”
“She was trying to find someone.”
He nodded.
“Someone she trusted.”
